You arrived at your hotel in Las Vegas and your bachelor party festivities are about to start.  Where should we go for drinks? Where should we have dinner each night? What strip clubs do we need to hit up throughout the weekend.  How many escorts am I going to buy when I am all strung out at 4:00am? These questions will go through your mind during the first few hours in the desert, but rest assured if you take some of our advice, you will be on your way to worry-free craziness.

Let’s get the easy questions out of the way.  With the amount of drinking and blow you are going to be doing throughout your vacation, dinner reservations should be the last thing on your mind.  Get a bag of Fritos and some vitamin water and eat when you get home.  Focus on the more important things, the ones you really care about: drinking alcohol, doing drugs, and getting lap dances from hot chicks with daddy issues.

The strip clubs in Vegas will offer you everything from a free limo ride to the venue, specials on bottle services, and even may throw in a few free lap dance cards.  But to be honest only so much fun can go down at a gentleman’s club, and there are far too many civilian witnesses if things get out of control.  That is why we recommend doing the following instead of the typical gentleman’s club:

Create an escort fund.  What this means is every guy in the bachelor party throws in $200-$400 per person (less with more guys).  That money would be used to throw the ultimate party in your hotel room (or suite if you know how to ball) equipped with the finest escorts Las Vegas has to offer.  It may even be safe to get a separate room just for this party – who wants to sleep in their friend’s sexual sauce?

Once you have the room location picked out, now is the fun time.  Load the room with booze, blow, disinfecting wipes (for the bathroom), and condoms (or go bare back).  There are various agencies that will send 3-4+ ladies (aka strippers, escorts) to your hotel room to provide a show for you and your buddies (see below).  The show consists of whip cream, candles, belts, and dances.  They also do girl-on-girl shows, and some other sexual tricks.  Now to make this party even better you are going to have to get the ladies to drink alcohol, and feel them out on whether they “party”.  These shows usually run from 1-3 hours depending on how much you are willing to pay.  Once this show is over, you will now use the bathroom in the room as your place for private dances.  One at a time, or five at a time, you will take your favorite escort or stripper in there, utilizing all available space (toilets, shower, whirlpool tub).  Negotiate with the escort or stripper a price for the service desired, show her the cash but do not give it to her until services are completed.  This is why we said to bring those disinfecting wipes.  Make sure you clean up your area with these wipes before the next guy utilizes your spot – it’s only common courtesy.

Now you probably are wondering what the difference is between a stripper and an escort.  In some ways they are different but in most ways they are the same, which is why this article applies to both.  A stripper usually works at a gentleman’s club, has a specific shift time, and has more rules regarding where you can put your fingers.  An escort is paid hourly to meet you in a discreet location for a true girlfriend experience.  This means sometimes taking them to dinners, buying the hoe some clothes, and as with every first date, getting laid.  Some escorts do not get involved in stripper activities because it’s “beneath them”, but most strippers are down to get the wine and dine.  The reason why they are both similar is because any stripper can be an escort and any escort can be a stripper, it all comes down to what you want, the price for their soul, and what you are willing to pay for it.

Places to Locate Escorts / Strippers for a Bachelor Party:

Eros – make sure you read the reviews

Backpage – better negotiating power when they are independent providers

Las Vegas Escorts – an online agency that will set it all up for you

Whether this is your bachelor party or you are attending that of a friend, or maybe even just crashing some dudes party you met at the airport, take down some notes from this, and you will look more like a professional instead of an amateur.  Oh, and if you need some more contacts for some good escort agencies in Las Vegas for your bachelor party, shoot an email to [email protected].

Side effects of our advice:  sexual transmitted diseases, jail time, stripper / escort syndrome – assuming all hot chicks are either strippers or escorts and will have sex with you for the right dollar amount.  We are not responsible for any legal or health issues that may result from following our suggestions.